My Friends' Diagnosis

My friends carried out series of tests and came up with different types of diagnosis. I listen with affectionate amusement as they all came up with possible explanation to why I feel this way most of which treated me to hearty laughter. I have got the best friends ever and at this point in my life, I wonder what I would have done without them. Their diagnoses differ and I will share them with you just so you can picture how amused I must have been listening them.

-          At work, a work friend and colleague said “it’s normal to feel that way sometimes, I will play you some music so you can feel better”. She did play me some good songs and got me some cupcakes and chocolate cookies, I felt better but was far from satisfied.

-          On Facebook Chat, another friend said, “You may still have feelings for him which is totally cool considering how much you guys shared. I could be your ‘shrink’ if you think you need one.” He was joking and of course I was blabbing so he was probably right to have suggested a shrink. Plus the thought of talking to a psycho therapist is gradually becoming a consideration. He suggested that I pick up new activities, hang out more with friends and generally do what makes me happy.

-          On a blackberry chat, one friend said to me, “it is absolutely normal, its just a phase that will fade before you know it. Lets meet to talk about it”. And so we met, and we did talk about it. Our discussion postulated a theory – the weather was cold (it had rained continuously for about 18hours) and probably the feeling of déjà vu (we were still together this time last year) was responsible for me feeling this way. But wait a minute; did we actually just relate this to the weather? The weather!

-          Another friend considered the possibility that this could be a result of my mind seeking some distraction from the resent dissatisfaction I have been experiencing in my job/career. He suggested that I should find a less ‘risky’ distraction until I come up with a solution. He is probably right.

-          On our way back from church, my very good friend gave me a look that sent me squealing with laughter and asked in a very serious and calm voice if I was in ‘that time of the month’. When I answered the affirmative she said, “Sweetie, blame this on your hormones, they are capable of making you feel impossible things. Don’t worry, this will soon run its course”. The laughter made me feel better and after hanging out with her at some ‘suya’ joint, I went home feeling loved and cared for.

I am going crazy, my emotions and imaginations are running wild – again. I have discovered that this usually happens just before I find myself in some serious emotional complications. I don’t know what to call this, yet I can’t ignore it. He has been on my mind for two weeks and counting. Memories of the good times we shared keep flashing through my mind and it is beginning to shift my focus away from the reasons we can’t be together. I began to experience all over again how it felt when I believed that he was the one for me and I wanted to feel the same way again.

I am terrified, this should not be happening. This cannot be happening! Even after a short recap from my journal (the part I did not delete), a loud warning from some of the articles on his website and the cold shoulder I got when I initiated a chat with him two days ago, my mind still won’t let go. I became more aware of the seriousness of this development when pictures of him in some ‘happily-ever-after’ scenarios keep flashing thru my mind when I was out on a date recently.

Well, my only assurance is that this time, I am not doing this on my own. I have completely handed over the reins of my life to the One who knows the best route to my destiny. So I would just surrender to every experience and learn the lessons I am meant to hoping that I will come through with my heart bursting with love and laughter.